When the Heart Gets Tired

The last few weeks I have realized that I have been a bit of a shell. Do you ever just feel tired? Not physically tired, but heart tired? Spending 6 weeks alone with my kiddos amidst a time when there was loss in our family, and a huge struggle for my hubby overseas to get a film made, on top of the pace of life the last year- left me feeling drained. December and January were a flurry. My mama has been having health issues, and I am left feeling like I am trying to hide under a rock and avoid meeting the next disaster.

It isn’t pretty. I don’t like to say that I know I am willingly hiding out. I don’t like to admit to myself that I am going through the motions. But you know, once I start being honest I can get to the root of what is going on, and I can stop clutching to my security blanket and let God come in and wade through the murky waters with me. Even if he has to drag me out.

There are times when I find myself craving a simpler life. Or a more ordinary life. It’s in these moments I have to re-focus my heart.

I read something recently that really resonated with me. It was talking about following Christ. Now, in our culture there is a strong message about “Doing what you love” “finding happiness” and I think for many that infers that life should be roses and daisies. As a Christian, there is a promise of transformation and healing. So, why then do so many struggle with old baggage, or still don’t feel happy- or see roses and daisies? Yet in other parts of the world, so many are persecuted for their faith. Somehow, here in North America, we are often surprised when things are a struggle- and then many question “Is this what I was really meant to do? Surely God would be opening every door way if it were. Aren’t I supposed to have “the desires of my heart”?”

This is an idea that I think, sadly, leaves many people angry. The constant ask of “How can a God of love allow so much suffering?” My heart breaks for all of the pain in the world- yet I know God is still faithful. I think especially because I feel like my life walk- while filled with so much- has not been easy- and there are many times when I begged and pleaded with God for a different outcome- and it didn’t happen. So, I found myself with 2 options- to dwell in despair, or to choose hope.

So back to what I read- the reflection was talking about taking on the yoke of Christ. It was centred around this passage in Matthew 11:

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

I have always loved this passage- and of course- when the heart is feeling tired- it is balm to the soul. The promise of finding rest for the soul is so needed. I know I can attest to experiencing that rest at many times in my life. The end of that scripture got a little unpacking for me though- the writer said while Jesus’ yoke is easy and his burdens are light- compared to our own- Jesus doesn’t call us to simply lay down and rest- but he says to take upon us his yoke. Which means that there is work ahead- and there are burdens we must carry, but that we carry that yoke side by side with Jesus, and his burdens always have purpose.

Man I love Jesus. For those many times I am filled with worry- or questioning everything we are a part of (yep! happens a lot!) because nothing seems to go “as planned” and it’s a constant battle… I turn to him. When I am afraid of losing those I love, he shows me where it’s at- that worry is useless- and that although we may not have made all the right steps- he is with us. He remains constant. Maybe everything will crumble- and maybe it won’t. But that doesn’t change who God is. It doesn’t change that he is with us when we make the choice to trade everything in to walk hand in hand with him. Living in his rest, learning from his gentle and humble heart.

When I start to focus on Jesus, things become simple. I feel refreshed. I feel “decluttered” I can fix my eyes on him.

-Miss Ash