Life has felt full and lonely all at once. December came in a fog, with a flurry of snow. A blanket of white covered our barns, land, and trees, every bough heavy. In a way it was beautiful, and in another I couldn’t help but feel trapped. Angry, wishing for it to stop. Waking up in the morning dreading to look outside. Knowing that every task was made more difficult. When the morning comes, the embers of the fire are long cooled down, and it isn’t an inviting place to be. Inch upon inch of snow, cloudy day upon cloudy day. I wanted to go somewhere else, to feel the warmth of sunshine on my cheeks, to look at my feet and see the first crocus tips breaking through the soil. To leave winter behind.
But the Lord had other plans. And so, I sit in this season. Not sure where to go or how to face a new day. My grief mirrored by every snowflake. Bringing beauty, yet at the same time hiding the life and vibrancy buried underneath, accompanied by bitter cold and biting wind. A cool fog, heavy and blinding. The one thing I can embrace, is the sweet gift of my saviour. The redeemer, the comforter, Emmanuel God with us.
For God so loved the world that he gave us his one and only Son; whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.
When the heart is broken, the sweet gift of Christ is a balm to the weary soul. Our hearts have been torn wide open with the unexpected passing of Matt’s dad at the end of November. Everyday my mind struggles to accept this reality. Or perhaps it is my heart. And while there have been many comforts, there is great sorrow. We will miss him dearly, everyday, until we see him again.
What a gift that God has given us this new little baby to remind us of his goodness in this season. For four beautiful children to wake up for, to hold, to serve. It is a gift to be needed. In someways, life has stopped, and I don’t have the strength to move on from here, but I know that God is pushing my roots deeper towards Him.
I just need strength for today.
-Miss Ash
2021 held much sorrow. My sister-in-law passed and my brother, her husband, followed her 45 days later. All the family is devastated. Both were in early 60s. COVID was not a factor at least. They had been together since high school. My best friend lost 2 of her brothers abd her father as well as 2 mother-in-law’s and 2 dear friends. So much sorrow. With faith we go on.