They call it “motherhood”

Things have felt pretty busy lately! I can’t believe it’s already March. Last week we had some friends here to stay, and that was such a pleasure! This year has been awesome for people coming to visit- and I hope it will continue!

I will say it is so nice to connect with people who are at a similar life stage as you, with similar views on some of the things you are passionate about. I will admit, that it doesn’t happen often in face to face meetings. But sometimes, with certain people, it doesn’t take much to connect heart to heart. As a mom, it is so great to have some “mom friends” who I can relate to, laugh with, or vent some frustrations- all in a safe space. Last week was filled with some good laughs, and a few tears too. A great combination of authenticity.

I sometimes find it really difficult to connect with moms. So many of us feel judged, and motherhood can become another peer based combination, much like high school. When you have kids you can end up on the same playing field so to speak. I am a “youngish” mom- I had my first baby at 22. I have friends who are in their 30’s- with kids the same age as mine, and because we are going through similar stages it “evens the playing field”. I love that motherhood brings camaraderie, together we are learning, growing, and trying to raise the best kids we can.

The sad thing is, that many moms can’t find this type of support either because of judgement, or the fear of being judged. It really seems to depend on what type of “group” you are in, but issues that divide can be:

• choice or need to formula feed baby
• choice to extend breastfeeding
• baby sleeping in your bed
• CIO
• feeding your baby wheat/sugar/meat (yes it’s true!)
• disciplining your child- time outs, spanks, etc.
• diapering choices (yes, I have seen people get so defensive about this- personally- I don’t really care! it’s your life, you make your own decisions)
• kids watching tv
• kids playing with plastic toys
• medicated birth
• natural birth
• homeschooling
• public schooling
• having lots of kids!
• having 1 kid

I find myself so tired of all of these parenting lables- you may be granola, you may not be. If your desire is to love your child, and give them the best chance at life- I think you are doing a good job. Some moms find themselves in survival mode, just trying to get through. If you can, I believe it would be really beneficial to you and your child to get some help while in that season- someone to help you in some capacity throughout the week. It is OKAY to ask for help. (something I myself am constantly re-learning!)

Our culture is really messing up moms. We are fed a message of “You can have it all, and do it all” Newflash- its ain’t true sweetheart. You can not give your best, be your best, all the time! Sometimes you might make mistakes- that doesn’t give you a pass to just have a free for all- but it does mean you can forgive yourself. As a culture, our priorities are so out of wack. Kids need parents- not friends, not nannies, not phantoms. As parents, we are responsible to give our children the tools they need to succeed in life. Basic skills that come to mind- communication, self control, respect of authority, self discipline, confidence- physical skills: understanding of nutrition, ability to choose and prepare food, dress oneself for the seasons, keep a clean space- life skills: financial management, goal setting, time management… These are just a few areas of life where my children will be directly influence by me: how I model, explain and teach.

As a mom, I hope to be an encourager to other women who are walking through motherhood.

Personally, I loved giving birth. Honestly, yes! I set my mind to have my boys naturally, to work through the labor pain, and give them the best start I could give. I was informed and educated about my birthing options, and made sure I had a lot of support around me. The people in my laboring space knew my desires, and worked with me to help bring my boys into this world. The pain was hard, but necessary, my body was responding to the contractions, and the birthing of my boys! Did I doubt myself while birthing my babes? YES! But my hubby championed me on- the support team (and it was a team) reminded me of that baby to come. And when they did (each time) I was so affirmed as a person, as a woman. This is what I was created to do- my husband could not birth these babies- this was my responsibility. This baby had grown in my belly, and now he was here! I can say with all honesty that birthing my boys was the most amazing, wonderful, awesome thing I have ever done! I loved the experience.

Unfortunately, I can’t always say this. Why? Well, simply by me sharing my own experience- I have noticed the number of moms that feel defensive or judged, because they do not have similar feelings. Because their birth may have been traumatic, or perhaps they loathed the experience. They wanted to get it over and done with- as unscathed as possible. The reality is- I don’t judge these mothers. I feel compassion for the hardship of their experience, and I also can express acceptance of their views- though I might not understand them. I would love for them to know this.

I guess all this is to say- we are individuals- we have different personalities, and upbringings. I believe we are all learning as we go, and for the most part, moms are doing the best we can. I believe it does pay to heed the wisdom of those that have gone before us, and that sometimes you just have to try things out as you go. Every parent and baby is different. If you have your baby’s well being in mind, then I think the best choices will be made. I would just love for moms to unite, and encourage eachother, instead of making one another feel inadequate or guilty. You have to let go, and trust your gut. Put all the books down- stop watching your shows- and listen to your baby. Listen to your instincts.

I have had my ups and downs as a mom. Lately, my biggest struggle is Baby G’s lack of sleep. It is so hard to get him to stay sleeping. And I am tired, and my hubby is tired. It’s been this way for about 7 months- 7 months since I have slept longer than 2.5 hr stretches… but, I am keeping my head up. I am not so stuck on “getting him to sleep at all costs.” I have learned to let go, and move past the “judgement” I might feel when someone gasps- “It takes 45 minutes to get your baby to sleep?” “Your baby is almost a year and not sleeping through the night?” I’ve actually learned not to talk about it. (*insert “blog?” here) I know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel- I have E to teach me that!

I am not going to lie and say I have not felt extreme frustration, inadequacy and even failure. Why on earth can I not get my baby to sleep? But, you know what has been helpful? Support. It may come in the form of my hubby taking the boys in the morning, so I can sleep for a bit. Or my mother-in-law giving me a rub on the back. This to shall pass- and my son will sleep one day. Being a baby is rough stuff 😉