The Nap Dilemma

In parenthood sometimes you have to pick your battles. We’ve all heard that saying, and sometimes it comes to us- when you decide to let your child watch a DVD while you make supper, or cut his portion in half at meal times so he can have dessert… you might even let him have a freezie at 10 am so he’s quiet while you put your baby to sleep…

But sometimes, it feels like the battles in parenthood might just be picking you. One of the constant struggles we seem to have with our own kids, is getting them to sleep consistently. Just when things seem to be going well, a blip in the system occurs. While it is hard to imagine, this post is not about sleepless baby G. It is about his predecessor, boy E.

My husband has recently suggested taking away boy E’s nap. When he told me this, I wondered if he could see the lazerbeams shooting from my eye balls. Because, as many stay at home moms know- nap time is like gold. It is why we will struggle for 2 hrs just to get baby to sleep for an hour (okay that does sound a bit dramatic…no one does that…) It is what keeps smiles on our faces, clean diapers in the basket, and dinner on the table. Without nap time, nothing would get done. Because even if you are not relaxing during nap time, it allows you to have a little bit of quiet from the constant neediness of your child(ren) which can otherwise cause you to feel resentful or bitter. I look forward to the afternap cuddles of my boys. When they don’t nap, I am replaying this in my mind “Don’t be the wife who says ‘here you go’ the moment he walks in the door…” And while I can’t say I never have these days, they are fewer because both of my kids still nap.

So, why even contemplate ditching the nap? Well, a few months ago boy E moved into the downstairs spare room. We had to move baby G out of our room, but, boy E is such a good sleeper we didn’t want to disrupt him with baby G if we had to let him squirm a bit. The squirm technique worked at nap time, but when he was in our room, he would just look at me from his bed with the look.You know, the one accompanied by the cry, which says, “how could you leave me to fend for myself, while cutting off my left arm.” Or something along those lines.

Thankfully Boy E loved sleeping in the guest room. He was so happy down there- we were pleasantly surpised! Yay! Now we could focus on getting Baby G to have better sleeps. But, a few weeks ago… things started to change. Bed time went from 10 mintutes, to almost an hour. “I have to pee. I can’t sleep. Its’s too dark. I’m thirsty. Help me sleep… pleeeease. Sleep with me.” And then, the dreaded… “I’m scared. There are monsters.”

When I heard this, I wanted to strangle someone. Okay, that sounds a bit dramatic, but at least give them a good slap… because we have never talked about “monsters” and boy E would not know what they were, if not for some naive person drumming up the story of monsters. Something frustrating about parenting is the lack of awareness from people around you, as well as the reality that you simply can not protect your child from everything. Something as “harmless” as monsters, suddenly leaves you with a 3 year old who won’t go to sleep and starts coming out of bed, and into yours at 3 am, after NEVER having left his bed since 18mths. And as much as I tried to convince E that, there are no monsters, or they are pretend friends… see? He just would not buy it.

While this is a bit of a side note, this is what we were dealing with… Matt thought that the long bed time routine could be partially attributed to E’s 2-3 hour daily naps. That he just wasn’t tired enough at bed time, so he could drag it out til 10 o’clock. I felt hesitant to concur, because, as afore mentioned- I am the one home all day, and I need the boys to have nap time.

So over the course of the week, E has gone twice without a nap, just due to a busy day. 2 nights ago, we also moved E upstairs in an attempt to dispell any fear he might have of sleeping downstairs. We wouldn’t keep him down there if he was scared, and he hadn’t been until recently. So the boys have been sharing a room the last 2 nights, and so far so good. Although E has complained that Baby G has woken him too early 2 mornings in a row…

So, yesterday E was napless. Today I went downstairs after trying to get baby G to sleep… and where was E? Sleeping on the couch. That is the second time that has happened in the last week after not putting him for his naps- so, late bed time or not- I think he is telling me that he is still needing that nap.

He is just over 3, and I would love to have him napping until around 4 (dreamer much?) but kind of wonder how much sleep he needs… should I wake him up after an hour? Just let it play out? How long did your kids nap for? I know every kids is different… I just don’t want to have a cranky boy on my hands, or no alone time with my husband in the evenings. If and when he does drop his nap, I will still have quiet times for him each day… any suggestions for what kind of activity is good for this (aside from reading books? And we don’t really do tv…)

Sometimes I feel for my non parental readers… is this stuff like totally boring? Hopefully one day it might be useful! 😉