Real People. Real Faces. Communication in an unseen world.

When I look at the world around me, and the world we are creating within our home, I sometimes convince myself we need to relocate to a remote location and start a colony.

I wonder where we will be in 20 years. What will my 3 year old be like when communicating with others. What will he view as the primary method of communication. I can recall when email came into our home in the mid ’90’s, and while I still use email, it is amazing how so many people do not even check their email anymore… it’s a thing of the past for many. Texts and Facebook are it. I can’t even count how many events I have been invited to over facebook… no personal invite or phone call anymore. I too have used facebook for group invites, and although I try to follow up with a phone call, it is not always the case.

Have these modern conveniences improved our communication? Or simply placed a large barricade between genuine dual party communication.

While I used to check my facebook or email a few times a week, with the introduction of the hand held device, I am not proud to admit it is now a few times a day. I know I am not alone in this. What did I used to do while I was breastfeeding just 3 short years ago with my first? I admired my son, I prayed for our family, I rested. Now? My handheld device follows me. And while I can’t say I have not enjoyed the convenience of multi tasking, or connecting with other moms and family members that I otherwise would not be, I sometimes wonder if it has really benefitted my family. Sure, I might find a nugget of sanity when I can “connect” on twitter, but is it truly beneficial to my children. To my spouse. How am I better? How am I worse?

Is the atmosphere I am creating the kind of place I want for my children to grow in. Do I really want my 3.5 and 1.5 year old to know how to use an i-phone? I know my answer is no. I know people roll their eyes when I politely tell them that E is not allowed to use the phone. No, despite the fact that he knows how, he is not allowed to play Angry Birds or Fruit Ninja. And yes, I will be present for the melt down that ensues.

I was recently at an event with E, that was late into the evening… it required about 2 hrs of needing him to sit quietly. I came with my mom arsenal. Snacks, water, a counting book, and coloring items. I was feeling a bit embarrassed within myself that I needed so many things to keep him occupied… At the end of the event, I received a comment about how well he sat “without any screen time” and I realized that the majority of the other children in the facility (although there were few) had been holding a Nintendo, I-pad or similar device. I felt sad.

We were once out for dinner (a rare occasion) without our kids. There were 2 couples sharing dinner with one another, accompanied by a small child, although you would not have known it. He sat for nearly 2 hrs without a sound… headphones on, presumably watching a movie on the i-pad. While I fully understand that it is nice to enjoy a night out with friends… something in me felt so lonely for that child. We make our children invisible. We keep them out of a social environment, leaving them in what is actually a very isolated space, despite the fact that they are within arms reach.

As I started to write this post, I ran a search which read “Ipads, kids” and I came across this article.

The author states:

“The role of the iPhone in the lives of children is, in my opinion, an underappreciated cultural phenomenon.

While nobody was looking, the iPhone became a universally understood part of children’s culture. And hundreds of companies have responded by creating child-specific apps, which makes the device even more compelling to kids.”

he goes on to write…

“Parents are always looking for electronic babysitters to pacify their kids so they can do something else — drive, for example, or make dinner.

Naysayers in my Buzz group say parents won’t shell out $500 for a children’s toy. Here’s my response: Wanna bet? An entire industry has sprung up around DVD players in cars that are just for kids. How much do those cost? Besides, an iPad isn’t a toy. It’s a toy chest full of toys.

An iPad is an ideal kid pacifier. For starters, parent-selected children’s apps for the iPad are likely to be more educational than TV. As a replacement or substitute for in-car entertainment for kids, iPads are better because kids can change the app. The parent doesn’t have to put everyone’s lives at risk trying to swap DVDs.

Parents will believe, and correctly, that using an iPad will better prepare their children for the future than watching TV.

Any parent who owns an iPad will be constantly harassed by the kids, even more so than iPhone-owning parents are today. The path of least resistance for parents will be to just get the kids an iPad of their own. I think parents will do this by the millions.”

The second last sentence really irks me. Really. Why? Because this statement is true of too many parents. Who is raising whom? Who is calling the shots.

Call me one of those “extreme” moms. I try my best to keep my kids off and away from the i-phone and computer. (did I mention they are ONE and THREE) I have been known to allow “shows” but do try to be very selective when it comes to what, and how much they (more so E because G is not interested) watch. I do not think my 3 year old needs to develop his computer skills. He needs to learn to play. Yes, learn. I think kids are so bored these days because of the over stimulation from tv, video and computer games, that after a while playing is not something that comes naturally. They are not forced to think, create or imagine, because it is already done for them. Kids want to play batman or spiderman. They want to play out a movie scenario… Don’t get me wrong, I am not criticizing emulation or modern entertainment (well maybe a little bit). I am not trying to stand on a pedestal and say that my kids do not watch movies.

I am challenging the blind acceptance we as parents have in thinking this is just the way the world is now, or needs to be. Who exactly is raising this generation, and how many more “tools” will be put into our hands to pacify them until they reach adulthood. What then? In recent years there has been a realization of the damage of our modern conveniences, especially in relation to our children. We have seen a resurgence in Natural vs. Medicated birth, Whole Foods vs. Fast Foods, Breast-feeding vs. Formula, Home Made vs. Processed, Hand Made vs. Store Bought. The list goes on.

You can see it in music… who could have predicted the come back of the Banjo!? Knitting and Crochet are the “new” it skill, and you aren’t keeping up with the Jones’ until you have an Urban Chicken Farm.

The thing is… I want to play music, make things and raise animals. This is what I want for both my husband and for my children. This is how I want to grow and how I want them to grow. I want to learn to take the best from both worlds, and leave the other things behind. I hope to teach my children to do the same.

Contrary to the conclusion of the afore mentioned article, I will continue to do that by encouraging my 1 & 3 year old to read using books, count using beans and buttons, and color with chalk, crayons, paint and the like. I will also begin to lead by better example, and become one less of the millions who touches a screen everyday.

“Starting this year, kids will learn to read, write and count on iPads. They’ll watch TV, movies and cartoons on iPads. They’ll do social networking, play games, and even color in virtual coloring books.

By the time these kids reach middle school, they will have been using multitouch user interfaces almost every day for eight years or more.

The iPad platform will prove irresistible to everyone — parents, content providers, and especially the kids themselves.” –Mike Elgan, Computerworld

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear you weigh in.

photo credits: images used found via google. Please let me know credit, or notify if in violation of copyright. Thanks!