With Outstretched Arms

Some days are so tough. There have been some hard days in my journey. Lonely, unspeakable, unforgettable, moments. Times when I can feel the thickness of my skin, the brokenness of my heart, all in an instant.

Memories.

Weakness.

Isn’t it strange how quickly we can succumb to weakness. It doesn’t take much for me to feel the heaviness of circumstance. In marriage, motherhood, or simple existence. The weight of this world, and the mundane or magnificent of the day.

It is in these moments, that I am overcome by the change I have seen in my life over the last 10 years. We spent my childhood and teen years living a bit of a nomadic lifestyle… moving from place to place. Leaving friends behind, moving on. I realize now that I had closed my heart off. I stopped leaving it open. And for many years, I stayed there. Matt whispered to my soul, and opened my scared, untrusting heart. And there we walked. And I held on to the safety of keeping myself closed to others… for fear of being hurt, or losing them. But slowly, little by little, God has made a way for me to feel his embrace. He has given me friends that love me so deeply, I often wonder why, or how. To be cared for, or thought of. To know that it is ok to be weak, or tired or overcome, because in it all, I am not alone.

Motherhood has so many wonderful moments, but there are some days equally matched with the lowest, hardest moments. Stretching. Pulling, bending… forcing you to want to scream, or to belt it out… or to cry it out. You learn so many things about yourself that you never knew. I have learned, I must, in my hardest moments, lowest moments, simply Let. It. Go.

I can not do it all on my own. I make mistakes every day. I have to let them go.

I don’t meet my own standards, but there is One that let’s me simply be. He doesn’t have any wishlist for me to meet. He simply says just be.

Just. Be.

And with outstretched arms He unfurls my fists. Through a conversation at the park. Through a hot pot of soup. A warm cup of coffee. Listening to the heart and creative dreams of a friend. Holding a baby. Guiding a growing soul. Being a part of another’s chaos… their beauty. Living life together restores the soul. Don’t let your fears or insecurities keep you from being the much needed balm to a weary soul. That is what I am learning, for with outstretched arms so many have given that to me.

-Miss Ash