Do you ever find as a mom that there is that tricky balance between doing what you need to do, and then doing what you need to do– which is to be available for your kids. That is something I need to do as a mom each and everyday- so that may mean spending my night waking every few hours to tend to a little (which always leaves me very pleasant for the morning) and then dealing with big kids that have had too many late nights, thus in need of my constant involvement, or as I like to call it, policing. The fights and emotions over silly things. Some days it is 10:00 am and I have barely started the day, others it is as though the day has been 18 hours long, and other mornings things are right on pace. I might plan to do school, then eat lunch and then run my list of errands. (which I have to gear myself up for because it can be exhausting just getting out of the house with 3 kids!) There are so many variables… hunger, bad attitudes (E does not like running errands) or perhaps a bathroom break… and by “a” bathroom break I mean 5. Why does it make me SO CRAZY when my kids have to use the bathroom at every stop! Or, the dreaded words “Mamma, I have to POO!” Which is always awkward when you have a baby strapped to your chest and a 4 year old who can’t quite get on the toilet without removing at least 1 pant leg. I mean, I realize it is an involuntary, necessary bodily function… but my kids really make me question that sometimes.
The thing is, the things I want to do, aren’t really things I want to do. They are things I need to do and some times it feels pretty bland. Things like washing the laundry, cleaning up the dishes, making a meal, going to the post office or rotating my kids stuff… yay chores! There are some I look forward to, and some I do not. Yet they are all necessary to a good life for our family. It is a very rare sight to see me attending to a hobby these days. I might read a book for 5-10 minutes… spend a short time doing a devotion… or frantically try to compose a blog post. 😉 I often drink my coffee cold. I am buzzing from one kid to the next while trying to fit in other things, but it seems with 3 kids in rotation I simply wash, rinse, repeat… it’s quite comical! But you know what?
I would not change it for the world.
Sometimes I am so thankful to be needed by someone. My boys, my daughter, my husband. It can be tiring being needed. It can drain you, that is true, and it can even feel lonely…but it gives you a place in the world. I have a clan. I have little souls that love me. I am somebody’s mother. (3 bodies) What a gift. When my sweet girl looks to me for reassurance after she hears a startling noise, the fear in her eyes melts to a smile. She knows her mama, and mama is there, loving her. When my boys are hurt, tired, or scared… they will sit on my lap, and want to be there. They will hold my hand when crossing the street. They will tell me of their needs, because they know I am there to meet them. Lately E has been telling me that I am the best mom he could ever ask for, a hero!
A hero!
That may be one of the best moments of my life, having my six year old tell me I am a hero for who I am as a mom.
I recently wrote about perspective, and how deeply that affects my perception of where I am at. The lens. Believe me, there are many days when I certainly do not feel like a hero of a mom. I often hear other moms talking about “that mom.” (I do it too!) Perhaps in reference to myself I might say “I am that mom who forgot to bring wipes… I am that mom who fed my kids cheerios for supper.”
There is: Stylish mom. Early mom. Organized mom. Make-everything-from-scratch-mom. Strict mom. Fun mom. Crafty mom. Frumpy mom. Devoted mom. Too-devoted mom. Not-devoted-enough mom. Cute mom. Home-school mom. Working mom. Stay-at-home mom. Work-out mom. Clean-house mom.
There is no course we can take to become the ultimate “mom” and I am pretty sure every mother struggles with how well of a job she is doing, whether her children are young or old. We are told that there is always room for improvement, right? But what about just being “MY mom” No other title, just uniquely you and belonging to someone.
Your kid(s) need you. My kids need me. They need me to be the mom I was created to be. Successes, failure, productivity and all… God had a plan when he entrusted these little souls to me, knowing I was the mom they needed.
This crazy life of motherhood… this tiring, beautiful, productive and un-productive season all rolled into one is something I would never change. Perhaps at the end of the day all I can cross off my list is that I got 3 little people through the day alive. Today, I can add “showered” to that list.
-Mizz Ash