“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”
-Maya Angelou
By the time I was 18 I had moved over 25 times. After many years of moving around, I found that my heart was unsettled, longing for a place to rest my head and breath, while at the same time being conditioned to not set down roots or get attached to people, places, or things. I was afraid that if I cared, or tried, I would have to move on, leaving it all behind, having wasted my time and resources. That I would find myself having invested my heart, and losing a piece of it.
Have you ever tried to convince yourself that some things aren’t important? Like having good friends, or living near your family, or a home that feels like yours. When I don’t have those things, I try to squash that desire, so that the disappointment doesn’t hurt as much. I try to tell myself that it isn’t that important.
Why do we want a place to call home? A place where we belong?
I know what it’s like to have a house full of hand me downs. I know what it’s like to have nothing in your home that you “picked” but more so that you took out of necessity. I know what it’s like to have something in your home that serves a purpose, but that you hate- but don’t replace because it isn’t broken. I know what it’s like to worry about the $20 you spent on useless things. I know what it’s like to have a basket filled with fabric for projects that you never finished, because you were too intimidated, or messed up your stitches and felt defeated. I know what it’s like to see pretty homes, but hardly have money for groceries. I know what it’s like to drive old vehicles. I know what it’s like to have so little time you can’t even begin to think about sorting out the boxes in your storage room that you haven’t opened in 4 years. Trust me. I know.
I know what it’s like to be afraid of inviting people into our mess. The mess of our homes. The messy business of our hearts, and all of it’s intricate hills and valleys.
In the world of design blogs and instagram- I think it’s easy to get caught up in custom cabinets and pretty light fixtures. Designer furniture and perfectly styled everything. Perhaps things we can’t have. I love finding inspiration from pretty spaces, gardens, and pictures- but I don’t think that it should make people feel inadequate. Our identity should not be rooted in the appearance of our homes, or the style of our clothes- those things are a part of how we express the very beautiful pieces of our soul- but they do not define us or reveal all that is going on in the inner workings of our hearts.
This little chat feels a bit disjointed- yet I think that especially for women, creating a peaceful home is something that runs deep within us. It’s an emotional expression as much as a physical one. When we built our boys’ room I wanted it to be really cool- to spark their imagination, and to also be an expression of love to our littles. See Guys? Look what we built for you.
I often feel that God shares this desire of building a home for us, when I look at the earth. I mean, the mountains, the flowers, the clouds, the sunsets! They are breathtaking! And He built it. We could live in a monochromatic world without color, without seasons or change in landscape- but the world is filled with discovery.
I want to explore the meaning of this word home. What does home truly mean to you?
Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could work together to find rest in our homes- so we can do the very important work necessary of living a meaningful life. Let’s believe that it is possible. And not only with a massive budget, or a home we own, or the house of our dreams.
It is possible one room at a time. One little piece that speaks to the soul. One room that offers sanctuary after a long day.
Most of the pieces in my home have a story of being a cast off piece. Yet somehow, they come together to create our story of home.
left to right: free chair refinished with fabric from my mom’s stash and leftover wall paint. free table from the dump, refinished in leftover stain and purchased paint. $2 vase, 50% as is chair from ikea.
left to right: thrifted: $10 desk, $20 chest. bunk beds built from scrap lumber and $20 of hardware, then painted in leftover paint. $5 shutter, pine cones from outside glued on some hemp.
left to right: fire tools: thrifted for $10, “coffee table” chest, built out of scraps- added 4 $2 castors for the bottom. blue chair x 2: found on the free section of kijiji.
left to right: $2 vase. feathers from the beach. thrifted books. dollar store birdhouse. thrifted tea cup. free printable. clearance vase from superstore. $5 lamp painted with chalk paint. $40 desk from kijiji.
left to right: $20 as is chair, $2 basket, $80 kijiji hutch repainted, all of the decor was thrifted, from a garage sale or purchased on clearance.
I decided not to worry about making mistakes. I am thinking more about how I want a room to feel and function. It’s time to get rid of things you don’t use, but keep the things that are meaningful to you, and find a way to honor those little pieces of your story. Let go of the insecurities and remember that your home is for the people that live in it. It should serve the bigs and the littles.
Whether you are renting or renovating. Whether you have built or think you never can. Take a deep breath, and ask for eyes to see the beauty in this place you call home. What will be the next chapter as you write your story of home?
Remember- we all have wires sticking out, and things stored on our floor. We all have laundry to wash, and put away. We all live our lives in our homes.
I share just little glimpses of how life looks in our home. Most days I am make-up-less, with my hair in a bun and wearing old painting clothes. I am feeding my children, choreographing in my kitchen, and taking photos of the everyday, all while avoiding the baskets of laundry. I am falling into bed for a few minutes to myself or stepping outside to take a deep breath and ask for strength for the things ahead.
I am thankful for this place I call home. For it’s imperfect perfection. I am learning to see my home for what it is, and what it isn’t. Most of all, I am choosing gratitude over comparison. I am choosing to celebrate the beauty around me, and finding my own place within it.
What can you celebrate about the roof over your head today?
-Miss Ash
My favorite post yet!!! Your life does seem fantastical from afar, and can bring up mixed feelings for me to wonder if I’m doing things right or if I’m less than because I don’t have that type of settled home. I guess the coolest part is realizing we are all called to different lives and stories to live! Loved your honestly, thank you!
Oh Mo. Thank you for your honesty. It is sometimes easier for me to share the pretty, put together pieces of my heart- or light hearted projects- vs. the deeper things that are going on underneath the surface, because they are so hard for me to navigate. With guarding some of these details, it’s important for me to remember the “picture it paints” to only share those things- I do want to share the story of God’s beautiful work, which very much comes from healing my brokenness when nothing else can. I so wish we had more opportunities for face to face visits- you always encourage and inspire me in the life you and Joel have built, and the beautiful work you are doing in raising Luca. Your authentic spirit is a breath of fresh air, and your love for God is a testimony of his sweetness. love you friend.
I cannot imagine moving so many times! My parents lived in their first home for 33 years so we were definitely settled.
This sounds very much like my husband’s family- he was born and raised in the same home his parents live in today! I have truly gained so much from getting to live in so many different places- and to be exposed to many different communities and types of people- but it has been nice to feel a little more settled for the last while.