On Wednesday November 9th, I turned 26. With a bit of impromptu celebration I shared an afternoon coffee with my sister-in-law, dinner served up by my brother-in law, and later cupcakes with {almost} the whole Koo gang. Thursday night Matt and I went out for dinner and Saturday evening we had friends and family join us for cake pops and champagne. Woo.
I wanted to take a moment to reflect on what was, my 25th year the precursor to all of these celebrations. While 25 is a bit of a milestone for most, it is 26 that has me feeling over the hump, another year closer to the 30 year mark. What am I doing with my life? Where am I, where did I perhaps think I might be? What were goals I had for the 25th year, and did I accomplish them. What surprises did I face? Trials, triumphs and all in between.
I believe that last year will go down as one of the more difficult years in my life, yet also one where I really began to see the fruition of some of the dreams and desires God has placed in my heart. Somehow, in trials, we come to look back and see the shadow of His wing over us. In some ways, I question the use of the word “hard” to describe this last year; it was certainly a year of growth and learning that did not come easy. While I am no where that I thought I might be in my mid twenties, wherever it is that I am, is so much better!
I really feel that I have come into a deeper place of gratitude and love for my role as a mom. Don’t get me wrong, I have snarky days, and tired days, but I try to remember that these 2 boys, and any littles that might one day join them, will be the greatest legacy I can ever leave. To raise them up well, with integrity, dignity, and love. It is no small task, and I hope I can do my part. I have an amazing partner in this, and I am learning to better love and help him. It is funny how after 5 years of marriage, I love him so much more, and somehow know so much less. I really do love that we can walk forward together, hand in hand, and even if it takes some doing to get there, we will.
As I reflect not only on this year, but on the last 25, there seems to be a constant thread. I will never forget the message that our sweet friend Stu shared at our wedding, “Beauty from Ashes” which might sound strange to those that don’t know our story, but is so right on. I hear the words “Restore Beauty” coming from within my heart, and while I am still coming to understand what that means, I feel like I am beginning to understand my heart song just a little bit more with the passing of time.
This passage deeply speaks to me- that no matter what we face, any shame we feel, mistakes we make, hardships in our lives, bad relationships or short comings, our HOPE is in Him. We can always hope. He has us in the shadow of his wing.
Psalm 25
In you, LORD my God, I put my trust.
I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.
Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me, for you, LORD, are good.
Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, are those who fear the LORD? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.
They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land.
The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.
Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.
See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, LORD,is in you.
