Free to Be… but not really?

So, things have been queit around here. Hopefully for you {reader} a little too quiet. Why the queit? Well, things have been a bit busy. I don’t even know how, or why, or when it all happened, but I will blame it on birthday week. It started with my lolly gaggle of family members coming to visit (coming up on 3 weeks) then a trip away with my hubby {more on why that is so amazing in a second} and then a trip away FOR my hubby {1 whole week!!} which is still happening. 2 more days people.

In all of these comings and goings, my routine is upset. I am like a tiny baby, who is confused because bed time and breakfast are different every day. There are many things that are out of the ordinary right now, like having a house guest, and an empty space beside me. Well, technically beside Gabriel, because he is still owning the night in the worst way possible.

To continue on with my ADD post (because I really have not gotten much sleep) G’s sleeping, or lack there of is baffling. Baffling. He somehow manages to toddle his way into our room every night between 12:30-2 (one time 4, which was like a strange dream) and then restlessy toss and turn and cry to nurse. I will admit that our night weaning journey has taken a windy, spinny, swirly turn for the worst without my back up… solo parenting (#twitterspeak) is kind of tiring. I am on a bit of a shorter fuse… even though my house is tidier at the end of the night. I do not like being alone at night…. or going to sleep alone. Which explains why I got so many projects done. The laundry on the other hand… not so much. I am just praying for a miracle that one night Gabriel will sleep, and it won’t be when we have a newborn to keep us awake. {note: not a hidden message. no baby on the way here!}

The strange thing is, that he is capable of sleeping. For example, I recently experienced 2 glorious nights alone with my hubby in the beatiiful Rocky Mountains. Yes, we went away, without our children, for the first time since before we had Elijah. Which is more than 3.5 years. This was long overdue, yet somehow, I don’t know how we would have done it sooner. Possibly because we are always busy, and transitioning in our lives {praying this season ends in some areas soon} it just seemed hard to leave our kids. They were either nursing, or little, or new, or something. But, we decided if not now, then when? And better yet, why not now? My in-laws offered to take the boys, and we would be crazy to pass that up. So, we didn’t.

May I just say, if you are contemplating doing this, and it is a possibility, do. It was so great to be alone with my husband, and experience queit, and sleeping in! And no little people to trip over while making dinner… ok, that was more so just strange. We love our children so much, and we were so ready to see them when the time came, but it was wonderful for us {and them} to have that time away. To reconnect, and to clear our heads.

I was pretty nervous for my in-laws when it came to baby G and night time, as he is after all still nursing. Night 1 was rough, although they were pretty mum about it. {they are amazing} But on night 2, G slept from 9-4:30 (that is 7.5 hrs people!!!) and then kinda restless for a bit, but slept until 8:30. Which he NEVER does at home. He is usually up between 6:45-7:15am, and wakes every 1-3hrs from 12-wake up time. Oh what gives. I ask. But, I am SO glad he slept for them, and hope he does that here soon! 😉

This leads me to my next thought, mother hood. You know, it’s funny, because I know this stuff is not that interesting. I mean, talking about your baby not sleeping, or that they pooped in the potty, or started to hug you while saying “hog. hog.hog.” Or that you totally had a bit of a tired lonely melt down this morning, when your 3 year old ignored you for the trillionth time, then back talked {adding insult to injury} and then when you said “you do not back talk to your mamma” replied “yes I do.” At which point you called your amazing hubby, who not only reassured you but also listend to all your mothering trials and tribulations from the last week.  {at 9am} Yes, those things, are not that great. They just are what they are. But, they are my life.

My life is grilled cheese sandwiches and walks in the snow. Looooong sleepless nights with mornings ushered in by precious cuddles, kisses, and “hogs.” High fives and hives, peeing with an audience and showers every 3 days. Pajamas until 3pm, and 1 lone bra. (why is it so hard to find/replace bras?!) Crunchy floors, mountains of laundry, and 20 minute preps just to get into the vehicle {let alone driving away} Excitement over coloring in the lines and grocery shopping with one child.

And you know what. While this is not all that I am, it is a huge part. A wonderful part. It truly is the area of my life in which I have learned the most, ever, to date. In which I have been most challenged and rewarded. I honestly believe it will be my most significant purpose in life. To raise good children, who will become great men. There are lessons parents learn that are unteachable to the rest of the population.

So while I am not really “free to be” doing all the things I want to be doing, when I want to be doing, eating what I want, watching what I want, saying what I want… I have realized that it is much like the disciplined life. It is in disciplined living that we find true freedom, strength and love. Obedience is better than sacrifice.