Do you ever wonder what you enjoy? What you like. What kind of clothes, music, hairstyle…. Sometimes I realize I am living in a world of mimics. And I am one of them! I think to myself, I want a white living room, and chunky rimmed glasses, with my baby dressed in vintage clothes and cute headbands. The thing is, I would be stressed out if I had a white couch because my toddler would cover it in baby cracker, and my boys would put their mud stained knees on the arms. My baby pulls off headbands, and I guess hand me downs could be considered vintage. What is cool today was really nerdy when I was in high school. I guess that is the thing about trends- they need to be constantly changing to be trendy. Hello plaid, goodbye plaid. Hello stainless steel, goodbye stainless… hello white! Hello red walls, goodbye red walls. Hello grey walls… hey wait. Stay a while. I like you.
I am nearly 30, and I have realized that I still strive to stay trendy. It’s true. Who wants to admit that? I mean, I can’t necessarily afford to be trendy, but there is a part of me that is unsettled and struggling. I have been thinking about this… my constant need to re-arrange, and look and think and…. Why is it so important to me to be tweaking. 
The truth about the very visible social media world is, we share- and then feel the need to be more creative, inventive, and constantly changing. We need content. We want approval. A following, a community… all of those buzzy buzz words that follow us around. How can we engage others. What is the right filter with which to share our lives through. It exists even without social media. Walk into a room of women you don’t know as a woman and you can’t help but feel scrutinized. Your hair, make up, handbag… state of your children… they all say something to those someones.
I am going to talk about comparison. I really think to myself that I rarely do it. Over all I am content. However, there are so many really inspiring homes. Beautiful rooms. Just stunning, farmhouse, shiplap goodness. And I look and stare. How? What is it all for? It isn’t meaningless, but it is meaningless if you are constantly in a state of mimicking and comparing. Do what you like. Be who you love. Enjoy what you have.
Matt has been working a lot lately. And truth be told, when he works, I get a lot of things done. My brain switches to project mode. Perhaps to pass the time, or keep from feeling lonely. Perhaps to keep my focus on something other then the challenges that come with solo parenting 3 little ones day in day out.
My creative energy starts to flow. I love painting. So, I start painting things. My how this is good for my soul. I have started asking the question “What do I like.” If you like something, stand tall- embrace it, and live it. I’ve said it before- but the quote that has always stuck with me is “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Let’s just not do it ok? I know it is so hard for us as a culture, as women, as mothers, as humans. But what if we didn’t constantly assess what everyone else was doing. What if we realized all the energy that is wasted looking for inspiration, only to find ourselves completely uninspired in the life we live? Overwhelmed bywhat we have in the worst of ways- only wanting that which we don’t have.
This summer I got really burnt out. I tried to be helpful. I tried to complete everything on self imposed deadlines, feeling as though all the balls would drop if I didn’t keep up. The fireplace stone and the trim should be finished by now. The exterior should be refinished, and the storm windows ready. The school room cleaned, and meal plans made. I took 3 trips to Texas, and yet still felt it shouldn’t alter my to-do list. I was looking toward the fall with dread, because that meant I was running out of time.
Running out of time.
I don’t want to feel like that. I want to to know that I have time. This moment. I have been feeling challenged to live more, with the end in mind. To raise men of integrity and character, right now while they are building lego cars and playing baseball. Imaginary grand slams, and sharing dreams with me to play in the big leagues, to love God, to have a monster truck. To scoop up the baby that follows her mama, coloring on the chalkboard and washing the floors. Using a fork and putting on shoes. One day she will be just like me. Yet only herself. Wonderfully herself.
Live with the end in mind. It isn’t about what everyone else is doing. It is about you. In the most real and beautiful way. Be honest. Be truthful. Don’t be a burden. Pour out, and take in. Look outside your internal busy-ness- and all of the self imposed guidelines. Take risks, and be prepared to fail. Know that failure is ok. It’s even good. You’ll never know if you don’t just try. That is one thing I do do…. I try things. I want to try more things, because I like it.
Who says you “need” to follow a certain path. {well, truthfully lots of people- but that is besides the point!} Sometimes we feel like we are failing because we don’t follow the herd, yet if we really reflect and dig in- we can see where our heart finds contentment. You don’t need to go to university. Or maybe you do. You don’t need to climb the ladder, or maybe you do. Simply put though- I want to do more of living a life I am proud of and content in, and less thinking about what others approve of and can understand.
Today, do you. Do what you like. Be who you love. Enjoy what you have.
-Miss Ash
oh Mizz Ash, to tweak is just in you, it’s a gift to you from God.
When I was a little girl I would rearrange furniture, paint my bed, change things around all over the house, I still do it daily …
you remind me of myself ?
?✨?✨?
Thank you for the encouragements Mizz Deborah <3